“He who knows nothing loves nothing. He who can do nothing understands nothing. He who understands nothing is worthless. But he who understands also loves, notices, sees….The more knowledge is inherent in a thing, the greater the love….Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries knows nothing about grapes.” Paracelsus
The question here is what do you know about love? Are you as one who knows nothing and is therefore worthless? He who knows nothing knoweth not that he knoweth nothing…
Is love a feeling? Are the senses the determiner of love or the mind? Is love a work? The ideas here in this first part are in a large part taken from Erich Fromm’s work ” The Art of Loving.” Whether he knew Christ in a personal relationship or not, one cannot be certain but he did have a conservative and moral thought pattern. He understood the Scriptures and uses it quite frequently in this book. His work on love should go down in history as one of the most comprehensive books on the subject. His thoughts have been priceless to the problem of love. With this laid down we will continue to try and understand this thing we call love. Fromm states that first of all there are several faulty premises which most people have concerning the problem of love.
1. “Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.” Therefore the action they take is how to be the object of love. How can they become lovable? Men try and become strong, successful, rich, influential. Men figure that if they can be someone, have an identity of power, they will succeed in gaining love. Women on the other hand seek to become attractive. Now men do that as well in todays society due to the unisex push. They wish to be an object of beauty, something the other sex will seek after. Attention becomes affection, and many times it is but at the same time affection does not always equal love. Attractive is the key. ” As a matter of fact, what most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially, a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.”
2. “…the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of faculty.” Fromm here explains mans warped view of love in that people now are more concerned with the importance of the object of love rather than the function.” In past cultures, that have been that way for millenia, a prearranged marriage was the norm. Matchmakers were involved, parents, social considerations, with little respect to the feelings of the couple to be joined together. Love was supposed to develop afterward not before. In our capitalistic culture we are consumed with the (consumer effect). We want to get the best quality for our money at the least possible cost. We are looking for an attractive package. “For the man an attractive girl - and for the woman an attractive man - are the prizes they are after. ‘Attractive’ usually means a nice package of qualities which are popular and sought after on the personality market.”
3. The third problem lies here…”in the confusion between the initial experience of falling in love, and the permanent state of being in love, or as we might say, of ’standing’ in love. If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life.” Those who have been shut off from love experience this excitement twofold. The power of sudden intimacy is many times consummated and or caused by sexual action. This can add even more to the heightened sense of ecstasy. However this type of closeness is at best short lived. It has not the fundamental seed by which to stand on. Instead it is like a beautiful cut rose, in all its glory, velvet to the touch, nectar to the nose, dead and brittle by the next week. The individuals involved become then better acquainted with the thorny side. As in the rose, once the petals fall all that is left is the thorns. ” The two persons become well acquainted, their intimacy loses more and more its miraculous character, until their antagonism, their disappointments, their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement. Yet in the beginning they do not know all this: in fact, they take the intensity of the infatuation, this being ‘crazy’ about each other, for proof of the intensity of their love, while it may only prove the degree of their preceding loneliness.”